Control

Wow, I have not been here in a long time... I had no Internet for almost a month here at the house and then got a terrible virus on the laptop that Pete lent me so then it was no Internet and no computer! Terrible.
But now I'm back and had a lot of time to process. Its amazing how much time we actually have when we don't have TV or computers... life is very different. I did a lot of thinking and soaking. I read a lot... in the Bible as well as one book that is an assignment before school starts. Speaking of school, classes start this Tuesday! I can't wait... just getting my feet wet by being in the environment of revival has already been so amazing, I can only imagine what will happen once I actually dive in!
God is speaking to me a lot about who is in control of my life. I have noticed that many times I tell myself that He is, but in reality I am. And recently He has brought my circumstances to a place where I have absolutely no control-- when I've done all I could, and there is nothing else I can do to change things-- and that has been a very scary place to be, but at the same time SO liberating. To be more specific, I have been in Redding now for a bit over a month, and in my mind when I thought of moving here I thought of finding a job as soon as I got settled in... so within like a week I would be working... well, that didn't happen. Redding is a very small town and its not easy to find a job here. After weeks went by I started getting discouraged and thinking "maybe I wasn't supposed to come here", or "maybe I heard wrong"... and at one point I even thought "maybe I'm gonna have to go back to Florida". But suddenly, on the exact day that I started to think this, Jeremy (Jen's husband and our houseparents that take care of this property I'm living in with 12 girls) came in and asked me if I spoke Portuguese and said that the company he worked at was looking for someone who could do tech support for them to their customers in Brasil! They said they had been looking for someone in Redding for a long time and no one here spoke Portuguese, they were even gonna try to bring in someone directly from Brasil because they couldn't find anyone... And here I am! Isn't that just amazing?! So, when that happened I thought, "well, this is perfect! I can start Monday!" and once again it was like I was right back in control of things. But no! It has taken now almost three weeks from my first interview to have them approve the position and actually hire me. This period of waiting was so hard but at the same time so critical in teaching me to TRUST. So, just yesterday I heard from them that they finally had an offer letter for me and asked me to go in on Monday at 10am. Isn't it just like God to provide a job for me one day before school starts! He is never late. He is always on time. And I choose to trust Him more and more everyday and surrender control-- I give Him full control over my life.

"Mercy"

-Kristine Mueller

What shall I do with you my love?
What shall I do with you?
For Your loyalty to me is like the morning clouds
Like the dew that goes away so early
What shall I do with You my love?

You keep bringing me sacrifices
To ease your mind
But it's your heart that I want

Hasn't it been a long road
With disappointments
Chasing after lovers
That just throw you away

Are you done fighting now
All the love it takes to lighten you
Shame was never meant to be your portion

You keep bringing me sacrifices
To ease your mind
But it's your heart that I want

Though these sins are red as scarlet
I will wash them white in my mercy
Those these sins are red as scarlet
I will wash them white in my mercy

Faith cannot grow under certainty.

So, I think its pretty safe to say that this is the first time in my life where I have had to really put my faith into action. Part of it is probably because it is the first time I make a major move in my life alone- no guys, no family, not even one single person I know here. I remember trying to plan and prepare for this when I was still in Florida and feeling butterflies of excitement! Now the butterflies have really come alive. I have been having to face my fears. Do things that are completely out of my comfort zone. But what truly amazes me in all of this is that God has been giving me a peace to trust Him in every detail. He keeps His promises. Every one of them. He will never leave me, never ignore me, never forget about me. He is always good. He will always take care of me. He is always generous. He is always in control. Someone once said "Faith cannot grow under certainty" and that is exactly what I am experiencing. I am so uncertain about so many things, and its making my faith grow. It is stretching me to depend less on myself and my own efforts and to completely surrender and believe in the amazing LOVE that Jesus has for me. I am His princess. WOOHOO!!!!

"Breaking Down"

-John Mark McMillan

I'm making plans to waste my life on You
I'm making plans to waste my life on You
Cause New York City and Hollywood combined
They ain't got enough lights
To make me want change my mind about You

Cause I'm breaking down
I don't even care if there's anyone else around
Cause I'm breaking down
I always fall to pieces whenever You're around

I'm Mary Magdalene and tonight is a bottle of perfume
I'm Mary Magdalene and tonight is a bottle of perfume
There's not enough dignity to hold me now
When I know Your going to meet me here
There's not enough gravity
To keep me away from You

Cause I'm breaking down
I don't even care if there's anyone else around
Cause I'm breaking down
I always fall to pieces whenever You're around

So meet me here
Where we shine like gold
Like the light beneath the embers
Of the burning coals
And I will spill my bottle
Like in days of old
On the song that bleeds from the breaking down

Road Trip

Ok, so its super late and I'm exhausted but I had to at least tell a little bit about how amazing this road trip has been! We drove across Florida and Georgia, then Tennesse which was where we slept last night. Tennessee was so beautiful, full of hills and montains, lakes and rivers. I loved seeing all the bridges they have built there, they were beautiful. Today we crossed over Illinois and Missouri and got to stop at IHOP just to see the prayer room and enjoy a little worship. It was so amazing to see how full the prayer room was and the cultural diversity- its crazy to think that it doensn't stop. They pray and worship 24 hours a day there.

I had saved this as a draft yesterday, so today I can continue and tell a bit about our 3rd day on the road. We woke up at the Four Points in Kansas City, Missouri and began our jorney west on I-80 all day long crossing Nebraska. All there is to see in Nebraska are fields of corn. Thats it. Hours and hours of corn! Needless to say I got pretty bored in the car today- but thankfully when my it was my turn to drive I got to add Jack and Ray to my ride and that made it a whole lot better! I am so excited about tomorrow when we will finally get to the mountains and through Colorado, Utah and Nevada! Can't wait!!!

Tree of Life

Ok, so yesterday I told my spiritual mom about my move to Redding, CA and she was so excited for me and said she had been praying for me and for this move for a couple of years. She remembered hours in the furnace praying for me when I was still a prodigal. Her words about the move "Go for God, girl! I've seen this coming in you for a long time! Love and hugs! Cheri" It was awesome to tell her the details of how God has given me specific words and confirmations to go. After hearing me out and after we cried together over the phone, she asked to pray for me. As she prayed, the Lord gave her a picture of a TREE OF LIFE. She said it was a large tree, like those in Africa over sunsets. She said He was taking me to that tree and that all of my needs would be met there. If I am in financial stress and need money, I can just go right up to it and pick the fruit of provision that I need. If I feel lonely and sad, I can pick from it joy and comfort. If I feel lost and confused I can pick from it wisdom and discernment. If I am sick or hurting I can pick from it healing and relief. If I am overwhelmed and scared I can pick from it peace and trust... and so on. Anything that I need I can go straight to the tree of life and find the answers for it all. Isn't that just mind blowing??? God is so awesome... How much He cares for every detail of me is just amazing.

Making Memories

Today I realized that I'm really enjoying these last days in Florida without work. It feels better than a vacation, cuz when you go on vacation you are aware of the fact that you will have to return to work. I don't. So, technically, this is not a vacation. I would like to think of this time as a special gift, or a bonus, and instead of money, I have time. Minutes, hours, days. It is quickly counting down though, so I have to decide how I spend this "bonus" quick. So, this week I've made it a point to spend time with people I love. I am trying as hard as I can to fill my schedule with breakfasts, lunches, dinners, time at the beach, playing games, watching a movie, making dinner, going out for coffee... all with as many friends and family members as I can! And so far it has been wonderful! I am making special memories that I will take with me on my Freedom Adventure. So right now life is good. Really good.